How can a woman deal with her significant other’s porn addiction? I am not talking about a man occasionally looking at porn. I am talking about a man who uses it at least once a day.
I am in a very serious relationship and engaged. This is why it is very difficult for me to just walk away and forget about him.
The addiction has manifested itself in our sex life: he often loses his erections or finishes too early. Once I dressed up and gave him a strip tease and he had absolutely no sign of an erection. He even admitted to me (after I tricked him) that he thinks about other women during sex with me (he imagines I am the celebrities he likes). I even caught him snooping through my Facebook for female friends of mine’s pictures. He told me that he masturbates to nude pictures of celebrities on the internet as well. I even found a video of his ex in a bikini on his laptop (he told me that he didn’t know it was there, yeah right).
This has resulted in some serious self-esteem issues for me. I feel like I am not sexy enough to turn him on or that he just uses me as a blow-up doll (since he thinks of other women during sex). I feel like I must be horrible in bed or something (he’s the only person I was with so I can’t get any feedback from others) because why would he imagine I was someone else and not me? Why can’t he maintain his erections with me as often as he does- am I really that unsexy? This has ripped my self-esteem and self-respect into shreds.
To top it off, he lies all the time about these things. He has lied to me hundreds of times. I can read by his body language and know he lied plus he admitted to lying many times. The trust is completely gone and I don’t believe anything he says anymore.
What can I do, as a woman, to regain my self-esteem? I feel totally hurt and heart-broken. I just want to feel like a person to someone and feel sexy again, the way I did before this relationship. Please help!
I forgot to add, that before the relationship I felt like a sexy, pretty girl. I do not look like a porn star or celebrity mainly because I don’t have big breasts. But other than that I have a pretty face, toned body, am tall, long legs, long hair, etc. Even while wearing an engagement ring other men have tried to flirt with me, give compliments, etc. But I have been nothing but faithful to this man in every way possible. And now I’m starting to doubt myself if I am pretty or sexy at all. I feel inferior to all the women he chooses over me daily. In a way I feel like its ME- if I was sexy enough for him he wouldn’t lose his erections and be so immersed in fantasizing about other women all the time.
And he’s 26.
Why do some people (especially men) say this behavior is actually normal? Is it because it is in fact "normal" or because they do the same thing? And if it’s normal, then why does it hurt so much and create such an unsatisfying sex life for me?
No, he doesn’t do drugs or take prescription meds.
If he doesn’t deal with it, you need to leave the relationship. If you get married, it will feel to you like an affair, where you come second to him admiring other women sexually. I don’t really need to say it, because you feel this way already. Please don’t get trapped in a marriage where you feel second best and it makes you lose your self-esteem. How can it be your "fault" for not being pretty enough? You can’t do anything about the way you were made so how can you be to blame. You need to meet someone who loves you and makes you feel free and happy with yourself again.
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